Monday, March 1, 2010 @ 8:55 PM

My life is burning.

I don't know but, I swear If God ever gave us the opportunity to switch lives or something, you probably wouldn't want to take my place.
Seriously, It sucks to be me.

Being in a new class and all, It just isn't very .. nice(damn, my vocab). I hate being separated from my friends. It sucks when all your friends are doing well except you. Whenever I needed help, they were there for me. Now? I'm on my own. I mean, being independent is supposedly a good thing, but It's really frustrating.

I really ought to pull up my socks. Brush up on my studies and all. There's so many things that are distracting me from staying on track. Problems after problems, sometimes I really envy those super muggers in my class. They don't have anything to worry about except themselves. It's really unfair how some people naturally do well without having to study like it was some god give talent or something. Like, it isn't really giving the people who work hard their due credit. No discourtesy intended, but I really have a strong distaste for people like them. It's not their fault or anything, I'm just being insanely selfish, that's all.

I hate it when I study for long hours or burn the midnight oil just to study, and then what do I get in the end? Nothing. Nothing shows, nothing at all. All i get in the end is frustration and disappointment. Then I get angry at myself for being so stupid, making careless mistakes even though I try so hard not to. There are times where I really hate myself for being so dumb. Like, why couldn't I have done better? Why did I make such a silly mistake?
Then again, what have I done to deserve to suffer such bad results?
Yeah, maybe because I'm just stupid.

Maybe this is karma, maybe It's my retribution for something bad that I've done.
I don't know, not trying to be too religious or something, but would It hurt to make myself feel better even if it was just a little? I don't want to ask for too much, but I really pray hard to at least get distinctions for the next few papers I'll be getting back.
Please God, help me.

Off to do Amath. Bye.

Troubled.