Friday, February 22, 2008 @ 5:42 PM

aloy's valentines gift.


friday, 22nd February, 9:05AM.
'my world came crashing down on me..'

My life had changed, into a pit of misery.
health checkup.backbone screening. the nurse took the measurements of my backbone. i hated her. i hated every inch of her. from her wrinkled face to her scrawny body. why did i even WANT her to take me? i regretted that very minute i said that. i wasn't ready, and she just took the measurements. the most important part of my body. that was it, my backbone. why did she take my measurements? why did SHE take it. it resulted to total misery. outside, i sat on the chair next to the table. with her laptop placed slanted on the tabletop. she told me the most shocking thing i've ever heard. 'your bone is slanted to the left. SLIGHTLY. it is at an acceptable range.' for a moment, i thought the sun had stopped moving across the sky for that very second. there was a pause . that eery silence creeped me out. she handed me a pamphlet. of teaching me how to take care of my backbone. i was in utter shock, i really had nothing to say. i opened up the pamphlet. the more i read, the more i wanted to cry. i couldn't stand it, thus i put the pamphlet away and pretended nothing had happened. i was crying inside, i felt like punching that pimple-faced nurse. i knew it wasn't her fault. or maybe it was, i dont know. but at that moment, my mind went blank. my world came crashing down on me, i could feel my heartbeat increasing its speed rapidly. i thought to myself it was going to be okay. i went back to class like nothing happened, and i became the same melanie. it stayed the same until after school. during maths period, elizabeth handed out a piece of paper. i had totally forgotten about my backbone and the health check. in fact, i was excited to get that sheet of paper. i helped elizabeth give out the pieces of paper. as i was going back to my seat, i saw a certain word that made my life change.
backbone screening: POSITIVE.
at the bottom were a few words, i dont know what it said but beside it was : 0.3 degrees.
my backbone was curved to the left by 0.3 degrees.
disgusting, i told myself. at that time, my life had changed. to a place i didn't feel i belonged. i could hardly recognise this new world. i didn't have the mood, after putting my bag down at the atrium. i went to the canteen , the table right at the end nearest to the basketball court. i sat there, head pressed on the table and body leaning forward. i sat there, arms crossed on the table, head leaning on my hands, i closed my eyes. i felt like crying. and i did, as my head lowered and no one could see my face. tears welled up in my eyes. last year it wasn't like that. it really wasn't. i've been having NEGATIVE for the past 12 years. just thinking of it made me cry more. i hated it. i dont want it to be this way, i really dont. this is what life is, and you have to open your eyes and look at it, listen to it, smell it: people who dont like you, things you dont want to do, things that hurt, things that scare you, questions without answers, feelings you dont understand, feelings you dont want but have no control over. reality.
i dont want to be like those little kids . when you look outside the window, you see little kids in pushchairs who've already forgotten how to smile. i dont want to turn out like that.
i'm indeed shedding tears in front of the computer.
'how silly, crying over these sort of things' you say?
are you like me? 12years of a straight backbone, and suddenly someone tells you that your backbone is curved? this 'someone', a mere stranger. do YOU know how it feels like? shut the fcuk up if you dont, and if you did, i empathise with you.
now i'm just going to set a goal for myself.
80situps per day.
this is my new life.
i'm hugging my little dog plushy.
at a time like this i guess i just need to hug something.
bye, i ain't gonna rant on anymore.
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common test results:
chemistry: 13/20
chinese:16/50
maths:26/30.
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go AWAY.